'My mom said I'm setting [my daughter] up for failure, I told her it's the 4th grade': Grandma berates dad for taking his 10-year-old daughter out of school for a week to go on a family vacation to Florida

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Senior Editor
Apr 26, 2025 8:00 AM EDT

In the grand scheme of things, missing one week of school is not a big deal. I barely ever missed any extended period of schooling, and when I did, it was because I was sick as a dog. I vividly remember missing a week or two of preschool when I had the flu, and I also missed the week when we talked about the color green. I thank my lucky stars that my mom and dad had already explained green to me extensively before that week; otherwise, I would have never been able to catch up. 

It can be nice to take off from school for a planned vacation instead of merely to convalesce. Obviously, you can't take 5 weeks off in the middle of the school year to go to Dubai and expect to be able to come back and pick up everything you missed out on easy as pie. 

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  • The grandma in this story is 100% against her granddaughter taking a week off from school to go on a family vacation. She failed to see how her exclusion from this trip could make her feel excluded and unwanted in her family, nor could she see how low stakes this particular week of school was.

  • 01
    Cheezburger Image 10498629120
    via Ira Kuziv

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITA for taking my daughter out of school for a week for a vacation

    I (m39) have a daughter (10) "K" from my previous relationship, I also have a daughter (18 months) with my wife now. My wife is mom to K, I don't want to get into it but K's bio mom is not a part of her Life.
    via u/this_random1000
  • 03
    I go on business trips for work around 3-4 times a year. In a week I'm going to Florida. My wife and I decided to make this one a trip for our family, we figured it would be perfect staying in a resort with pools and
    via u/this_random1000
  • 04
    things to do for my wife and Daughter's while I work then in the evening we can do stuff together. Of course K will have to miss a week of school, we are getting her school work for the week so she can work on it while gone.
    via u/this_random1000
  • 05
    Yesterday I was talking on the phone with my mom. I had told her about my business trip and how I my wife and daughter's were going. She mentioned something about K staying with her. I asked what she was talking about. She said K has to stay with
    via u/this_random1000
  • 06
    about. She said K has to stay with her since we'll be gone for a week. I told her no, K is coming with. She argued that she has school I told her its a trip and memories, she'll always remember. Unlike a 4th grade spelling test. My mom got really upset with me, said It's not good
    via u/this_random1000
  • 07
    to let K miss so much school. The only other time she missed school this year was 2 sick days. I don't think its smart to constantly let her miss school but going on a trip with her family and missing a little school isn't the end of the world.
    via u/this_random1000
  • 08
    My mom said I'm setting K up for failure, I told her its the 4th grade. Plus she would feel so left out If everyone went but her. My mom called me an AH and said I'm not the son she raised. I have been wondering if maybe it isn't the best idea AITA?
    via u/this_random1000
  • 09
    Cheezburger Image 10498640640
    via Hosein Sediqi

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 10
    justlemmeread NTA. I work for a school and I'm saying this. There is a lot of value in a family trip, and your daughter has done incredible with attendance this year. She deserves a special trip! You're right, she won't forget this. The only thing I would say is make sure she isn't missing out on any important testing, as a lot of schools do state testing around this time. If she is you want to make sure she can make it up.
    via u/justlemmeread
  • 11
    I find that family trips like this can be their own important learning experience. She will see a new place and have a lot of new events. This is important for development just as school is! Your mom is not her parent and needs to trust you to make the right choices for YOUR daughter. Tell her kindly or not kindly if you want to bot out.
    via u/justlemmeread
  • 12
    this_random1000 OP We already asked earlier this week. She'll Miss a spelling test but that is that. No state testing.
    via u/this_random1000
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    Cheezburger Image 10498640384
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 14
    AquariusLives School psych here and she'll be fine. Just make sure she does the makeup work and takes the spelling test when she's back. Self esteem is drawn from close family connections and you are building that with her. It will impact her academics for the better, not the worse.
    via u/AquariusLives
  • 15
    InboxMeYourSpacePics When I was in elementary school (and up until my older brother was partway through middle school) we used to go to India for a month every year in the winter to visit family - part of it overlapped with winter break, but we typically missed 2-3 weeks of school as well. The school would sometimes give us makeup work and sometimes just tell us to submit diaries about our trip or things like that instead.
    via u/InboxMeYourSpacePics
  • 16
    I went on to get an engineering degree from an Ivy League undergrad and then went on to attend medical school, and am now a physician. My brother also went on to a top college and is successful in life. Long story short, missing those weeks of school didn't negatively affect us.
    via u/InboxMeYourSpacePics
  • 17
    Grilled Cheese 10 Yup. I taught 3rd & 4th graders for 35 years, recently retired. Take the trip. If you were doing this every month or so and causing her to struggle in school, that'd be a whole different story. Yes, she will miss some things that can't be made up, but she'll get a whole lot more out of your trip. Leaving her with Grandma while you take her baby sister could be very hurtful. That's the kind of stuff kids don't forget.
    via u/Grilled_Cheese10
  • 18
    Snurgisdr Unless your daughter is missing a huge amount of school already and/or is a terrible student, this is nothing. And you've done the right thing by arranging to get her work for the week in advance so she doesn't miss anything. Your mom is worrying about nothing. NTA.
    via u/Snurgisdr
  • 19
    this_random1000 OP She does great in school, has good grades and her teacher has only had positive things to say. She'll miss 5 days in total (before this shs has only missed 2 days this year) and is bringing school work with her to do.
    via u/this_random1000
  • 20
    rationalboundaries Why does your mother believe these are her decisions? Granny needs time out!
    via u/rationalboundaries
  • 21
    HeatCute Giving Granny the benefit of the doubt here: Perhaps she had assumed that she would get to spend a week with her granddaughter and was looking forward to it. When she learned that wouldn't be the case, her disappointment made her lash out. In any case OP is NTA.
    via u/HeatCute
  • 22
    Kittymemesallday Honestly, OP's mom probably isn't even really worried about the schooling. She is probably jut wants a week to keep the eldest to herself. Depending on dynamics she may want to play mommy again, especially if she helped out a lot before OP met his current wife.
    via u/Kittymemesallday
  • 23
    OrindaSarnia I don't know, I have a 4th & 1st grader and we took them out of school for 2 weeks in February this year, and my mother in law freaked out that they were missing school at all. I think a certain generation just believes you plan vacations around school and that's it! Two weeks was a bit of an exception this year, but we pretty regularly do a week in the fall some time. Schools should have a fall break just like spring break, but ours don't, so we just make our own.
    via u/OrindaSarnia
  • 24
    AP_Cicada I was going to say this. It's the "perfect attendance" generation. We were forced to go to school in deadly weather, while passing out sick, and during family events we were then told "too bad you couldn't be there but you get a nifty certificate at the end of year assembly!"
    via u/AP_Cicada
  • 25
    Fickle-Swimming-2441 you are absolutely NOT the a hole. you're a good dad tho! have fun on the family vacation
    via u/Fickle-Swimming-2441

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